Falling in Love with Your Partner Again!

by krista on January 22, 2013

In a recent survey, I learned that out of the 15 or so options I presented, mothers and midwives want to learn most about:

  1. Positive Parenting
  2. Trauma Resolution and
  3. Falling in Love with Your Partner Again

…. I’ll admit, I was surprised at that last one, but not because I don’t see it all the time, including in myself, but rather because we as mothers are so good at hiding ourselves from each other in our day to day lives. There is so much pressure on us to not mess up our kids, we’d rather pretend to be perfect than be authentic.

The truth is, motherhood in these times is incredibly hard on intimate relationships.

Yes, it’s the lack of sleep, and the nutritional drain on a woman’s body, and the constant being needed, the traumatic birth and the lack of village support….. but it’s more than that.

The thing that no one really talks about is that even if we are well supported, nourished and sleeping, something happens when we give birth, when we open ourselves to a new soul at conception (or before), when we say yes even on some nether unconscious level.

Our destinies collide, merge and things are drawn out of us we could never have expected:

“In the self-help literature directed at parents virtually no attention is paid to emotional upheavals that the parent is likely to face–the disturbing return of long banished feelings, the sense of being driven to behave in ways that one would rather not think about, the haunting sensation of being inhabited by the ghost of one’s own mother of father as one tries to relate to one’s child.” Robert Karen PhD

This includes the relationship between your mother and father, and their mothers and fathers. The ancestors breathe into us and come alive in new ways with each child we bring in and we have no training, no initiations, that teach us how to navigate these tremulous waters.

It’s no wonder our relationships suffer.

But our suffering doesn’t have to be the end of the story. It is only a part of the journey and we CAN recover, discover the way back home, to the love we once knew, that drew us in in the first place.

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