Falling in Love with Your Partner Again!

by krista on January 22, 2013

In a recent survey, I learned that out of the 15 or so options I presented, mothers and midwives want to learn most about:

  1. Positive Parenting
  2. Trauma Resolution and
  3. Falling in Love with Your Partner Again

…. I’ll admit, I was surprised at that last one, but not because I don’t see it all the time, including in myself, but rather because we as mothers are so good at hiding ourselves from each other in our day to day lives. There is so much pressure on us to not mess up our kids, we’d rather pretend to be perfect than be authentic.

The truth is, motherhood in these times is incredibly hard on intimate relationships.

Yes, it’s the lack of sleep, and the nutritional drain on a woman’s body, and the constant being needed, the traumatic birth and the lack of village support….. but it’s more than that.

The thing that no one really talks about is that even if we are well supported, nourished and sleeping, something happens when we give birth, when we open ourselves to a new soul at conception (or before), when we say yes even on some nether unconscious level.

Our destinies collide, merge and things are drawn out of us we could never have expected:

“In the self-help literature directed at parents virtually no attention is paid to emotional upheavals that the parent is likely to face–the disturbing return of long banished feelings, the sense of being driven to behave in ways that one would rather not think about, the haunting sensation of being inhabited by the ghost of one’s own mother of father as one tries to relate to one’s child.” Robert Karen PhD

This includes the relationship between your mother and father, and their mothers and fathers. The ancestors breathe into us and come alive in new ways with each child we bring in and we have no training, no initiations, that teach us how to navigate these tremulous waters.

It’s no wonder our relationships suffer.

But our suffering doesn’t have to be the end of the story. It is only a part of the journey and we CAN recover, discover the way back home, to the love we once knew, that drew us in in the first place.


Traditional Midwifery, then and now

September 10, 2012

What is Traditional Midwifery? The term Traditional Midwifery conjurs up images of wrinkled nearly extinct grannie midwives who learned to be with women and birth from their own grandmothers, from women themselves, and from the dreamworld. It is a hugely romantic idyllic image that resonates deeply in the hearts of women called to birth. What [...]

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How Cervical Dilation Checks Undermine the Imaginal Power of Birthing Women.

May 28, 2012

Imagination is more important than knowledge.  – Albert Einstein I recently had an epiphany while explaining to a client why I don’t do Cervical Exams, and why I don’t teach women, or their husbands, to do them either. I started explaining the notion that cervical checks are an unnecessary intervention that don’t actually give us [...]

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My Breakdown on the Side of the Road

April 19, 2012

Everything in life is a symbol for something deeper. The chair in my living room is a symbol for emotional rest and spiritual apathy, my camera is an emotional symbol for living in the past and a spiritual symbol of beauty. Not all good things correspond to other good things, nor bad to bad. My [...]

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Drinking Unpasteurized Milk: How Do I know If My Raw Milk Source Is Safe?

April 15, 2012

My family has been drinking unpasteurized milk for more than 5 years. I weaned my first child on raw milk and drank it throughout my second pregnancy. We have never been slightly sick from the milk we got while we lived in Oregon including our own fresh backyard goat milk. On the other hand, in [...]

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Natural Oxytocin, or 10 Kinds of LOVE for Pregnancy, Birth & Postpartum

February 14, 2012

It is neither a lofty degree of intelligence, nor imagination, nor both together that go into the making of genius. Love, love, love. That is the soul of genius. ~ Mozart I recently wrote a post called Trust Love where I made a vow to never judge a woman’s birth, or tell her to Trust [...]

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My Soul, a poem of somatic healing

January 2, 2012

Sometimes When I feel like I’m going to fall apart I hold my ribs, all the way around. Both sides. My ribs hold me together. Like glue. They keep my breath close to my Heartbeat. They keep my soul from escaping in The hollow where my ribs meet. I hold them there in the memories [...]

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Trust Love

May 8, 2011

Through Love all pain will turn to medicine.  – Rumi I hear it all the time: Birth is Safe. Trust Birth. As a Birth Keeper, this slogan kept me from stepping out on my own. I thought I had to wait until I could guarantee safety in birth. As a mother, it stirred a sense [...]

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Homemade Baby “Formula”

April 13, 2011

Just like you would feed yourself and your family foods that truly nourish and sustain them, so too you can feed you precious newborn, infant, or toddler hand crafted real food. If you want, or need, to supplement your breastmilk (a little or completely) this homemade baby formula is an excellent, well researched, and far [...]

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Ordinary Miracle

March 11, 2011

I have mourned lost days When I accomplished nothing of importance. But not lately. Lately under the lunar tide Of a woman’s ocean, I work My own sea-change: Turning grains of sand to human eyes. I daydream after breakfast While the spirit of egg and toast Knits together a length of bone As fine as [...]

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